The Father's in My Life

I have so much catching up to do on this blog but since today is a special day, I wanted to be sure to write something to the two father's I love the most.

First, to my sweet husband who my dear children call "dad". You are the love of my life. There is no one with more dedication and love for his children than you. So often I look at you and wonder where you get it all. Where does that sweet tender heart come from? Where does your never ending energy to work, fullfil your church responsibilities and play with your children come from? Where does that grin come from and what exactly does it mean? And how about your fun loving, happy go lucky personality? It's the best and I love it. The list goes on of so many qualities that make you the greatest.

You are a wonderful man and I'm so thankful to have you in my life and as the daddy of our home. Thank you for all you do. Thank you for being so supportive and helpful. Thank you for knowing just what to say and when. Thank you for your patience when I am a little less than tolerable. Thank you for taking so many of the burdens on your shoulders and making them seem so light for both of us. Thank you for your countless hours of care and concern for our family. I hope you always know of the admiration I have for you and the way you are raising our children. You're the best honey! Thank you for loving me and our children!

And second, to my sweet pops...the one I call dad. I miss you! This is my first father's day without you and it has been heartbreaking. I cried in the card section at Walmart yesterday knowing I wasn't going to be buying you a card this year. How can that be? You've always been there. For so many years you fought through everything so how could it be that you lost a fight? I know it was inevitable. I always knew the day would come when you wouldn't win the fight but I am still dealing with the "why so soon"? I wish you were back in your bedroom so when I walked in the door I could still hear, "who is that"? "It's just me dad." And the "oh" that was always the response. I want you here for fathers day and for your birthday next month and for my kids birthdays. You just missed Wyatt and Peyton's and they are only 1 and 4; that is too young for them not to have their grandpa. I want you here for all the upcoming holidays. There is so much I want you here for and a part of.

I feel like Kami with so many questions of how things are and how they will be. How aware are you of us? Do you know what's going on in our lives? Over time, will you forget me? If I don't leave this life for 40 or more years by the time I get to the other side will you remember me and the relationship we once shared? There are so many questions I never thought of until now. Are you proud of me dad? Were you proud of me? It was something that was always difficult for you to express.

Anyway poppy, I love you. I miss you. I wish you were here. I'm so thankful for all that you taught me and all that you showed me through your example. Thank you for the endless laughs. You were so silly. Thanks for all the games. Thank you for being patient with my dramatics. Oh how I am dramatic. :)

I told Wyatt I was going to the cemetary to talk to you this morning. And he said with all the excitement a four year hold has, "Grandpa is alive again???" I realized I had phrased what I was telling him all wrong. He didn't understand. I told him with so much sadness, "No honey, grandpa is not alive again." He asked me, "When will he be alive again? I want him to be alive again." All I could say was, "not for a long time." Maybe you know how the conversation went, maybe you were around, who knows.

But no matter what sadness I feel, I'm thankful for the knowledge I have that I will see you again. We will embrace and be reunited. It seems so long to have to wait but it will come. I just hope you are as excited as I am for that time. I love you daddy!